LETTER TO CHILD.

I look at myself every day and I say.."I hope my child says the same wonderful things I say about my mom. .. I know I don't have you yet child but amongst other things that am still gonna tell you can you read this...

Hey child..am laying here in bed in my early 20's ...my hair is a mess and i just had a slice of bread with nothing on it.. am not sure if am the best human right now but I sure promise to be the best mother...am not sure who daddy is right now.. I don't even know if he is here yet..but I hope he will tell you better too.

I hope you never loose your sense of wonder and your feet always drives you to do amazing things.

Am gonna try to give you everything but dont think you have so much that you take every single breath for granted and I hope love always leaves you with something.

Am gonna hold you up high with my words , my support, I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean because its kinda really hard here but i pray that when one door closes , one more opens for you .

Promise me that you'll give faith to fighting chances and if you get the chance to laugh or cry I hope you choose to laugh.

Be brave , I hope you never feel those hight mountains in the distance. .I mean they are there but I pray you have my fearless heart so you know you can climb it, never settle for the path of least resistance. .live like me and take chances

Dont let anyone live you bitter. . And when you come close to selling out please reconsider. .give the heavens more than just a passing score because they help you everyday.

I don't know if you are going to lack pink or blue, low heels, oxfords or skinny jeans, indoors or outdoors, talking alot or just staying calm....am not so sure...but you cant fall too far from me or your dad.. but if you are just like me then we need to fine-tune your talking rate.!...and uhmm some other things.

Am going to love you so much and when you come out I hope you are healthy and beautiful...and please weigh right or they will have to make me stay in the hospital for longer time .. I wanna go home with you.

WHY YOU WORKING SO HARD THOUGH? ?

You be working so hard and am not even talking about your hustle to get through the day, to go to school or to put some food on the table.am talking about you that wants a man so bad you stress

yourself with making it work , you don't have a job or education but you wake up early and sleep late just because you want your relationship back so bad. You ask about his day. He asks you to fix dinner, you ask what you can do to win his love. He tells you he's going to be out late with the hommies, you ask what plans he has for the holiday. .this dude already has a flight booked for two to Hawaii and its not your name on it.

 

 

Not once does this man ask about your life, if you're okay, where you want to go, if you're happy, he has no opinions or inputs whatsoever, dude cannot even notice that you changed your hairdo last Friday and you refuse to read in between the lines thinking in your head.."but he's my soul mate though..".

 

 

 

 

 

Don't fool yourself thinking there's a soul mate for you and because of that you stay in bullshit relationship, trying to be the all time perfect woman who perseveres just because you want love so bad. You work so hard trying to get him on the same page as you and you forget that love is a team effort. A man meets a woman half way, not a few steps, not some but all that remaining way!
I am not a relationship expert but what I do know is that couples bicker a lot, argue and disagree not out of anger but because they aren't willing to challenge each other.

Be ready to tell yourself the truth, don't be smiling and biting your lips  at every damn thing he says pretending to be astonished even when you know that he has just said

 the dumbest thing because you're afraid to disagree with him, you're afraid to show that you have a different thought and even a better one, you cant even talk about real issues ...then how are you really getting to know each other?

 

 

 

In the beginning he  would take you everywhere, read all those novels with you, pick you up after work, drop surprise flowers on the dining table, spoil you with gifts..now he telling you how he just wants to stay home with you and cuddle up..there you go  sitting up with him on the bed ,making small talks in between sex rounds and you thinks thats bonding?  You just waiting for the next erection thats all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

when a person loves you its doesn't matter if you got 5cents or a bicycle you go out and explore the damn world together. you're always putting up fronts, pretending like its all good and rosy, if you feel like you're in a cage within yourself then you're not in a relationship, you in a situation.!

TYPES OF PEOPLE ON A FLIGHT

1.First timers
These ones are just obvious.they ask too many questions especially when you the one sitting beside them.like "excuse me how do I buckle the belt",majestically at my bag here because I would want to use my laptop", "how do you turn on the monitor", "how do you reduce the volume"?
And 90% of the time they have no idea where their seat is.

 

 

2.The early birds :
Well apparently these ones are already there even before anyone else hops in.

 

 

3.The law abiding citizen/frequent flyers
These ones even before any instructions, have had their luggages stowed away, seat up right , seat belt buckled, legs well aligned, upright, and reading a magazine or doing a crossword puzzle.

 

 

4.The one who never got up to pee.

 

5.The one who got up to pee every five minutes.
I dont know if this people drank a trailer load of water before boarding but they are even more annoying when they sit by the window and you're by the aisle.

 

6.The hungry cow
These ones finish every meal served to them to the last.even eat the meal of the next passenger.trust me I've sat beside a dude who ate my meal while I was asleep and am not even kidding.

 

7.The chitty-chat
Sometimes I find these ones annoying as hell.they start chatting with you immediately you both have your seats.they chat till the end of the journey.they are worse when they were the ones you waited beside at the airport,and so they feel the need to carry on previous conversation.

 

8.The quiet one
They never saything.they dont watch any movies, they dont eat, they dont talk to you, they dont use the restroom and most of the times they always travel alone.

 

9.The american family
These ones come travel- prepared.like they read a travel manual before coming.
Throw pillows, neck supporting pillows, hand cream, allergy medications, their own food, their own headphones, mouth guard, flip flops, eye mask, their own novels and mmagazines.

 

10.The arabic family
Well all you can see are their eyes as usual.and they usually always order vegetarian or lamb!

 

11.The Chinese family
They always travel in groups.they are never less than 4, and for what they feel the need to continually speak their language every second.they always have all these gadgets going on.

 

12.The buyer
These are the ones who bought all the duty free before boarding.buy so much you wonder if they even travelled with something from home.

 

13.The ones who never sit down
Honestly these ones look like they are still yet to accept that this is not their home.
Always walking up and down the aisle. Standing right at the beginning of the aisle usually beside the restroom.....literally doing nothing...like nothing!

 

14.The couple with a crying toddler
Annoying annoying! !

 

15.The ones with special needs
These ones do everything different from the rest. Especially with meals.they probably already pre ordered their meals online with the airline.

16.the nigerian jjc

A black woman on a winter fur coat and boots in dubai? Yes that one.they always with gigantic duty free bags even though they only bought a chocolate.they board magestic and always take their time to step on an escalator.

even though they have stowed their hand luggage they still stand at the aisle.when its one minute to landing thats when they get up to start getting ready to unboard.they clap in their minds on take off and clap outright on landing.

LETTER FROM MAIN CHICK TO SIDE CHICK!

1.this is the most important of them all.the main chick gets everything first, which therefore means valentines day for you is February 15th.! The only thing you keep is your birthday .

2.Dont think you are entitled to the D, if you call his at midnight and no answer, face it honey.Dont keep on disturbing.

3.You dont get to have intimate presents, or presents that say a million words like a rose bouquet at work or silver bracelet under your pillow,the most intimate you get is he takes you for shopping, you pick your stuff yourself no input from him or well he gives you the cash..go get your shit yourself!

4.honey no pictures! No! No! ... no matter the mood there will never be a picture.well  sometimes he may take the picture but its not for real, he deletes it after you leave .

5.if you accidentally receive a loving, heartwarming text message from him, its not for real ..we might be fighting and he's looking for someone to talk to.

6.Dont worry he's never gonna follow you to your personal events like your parents wedding anniversary, your sister's baby shower..name it!

7.Get your mind prepared for impromptu cancelation of plans you both make,am always gonna come first.

8.last and most importantly. ..no matter how much he hooks up with you and have a good time..he will never marry you.!

                                   Best regards!
                                   Main chick!

TYPES OF PEOPLE ON BBM

1.The religious updater
A.K.A the touch not my anointed .these people sticking with God all through ,keeping it real, keeping it one hundred. Monday to Sunday they in the zone.

2.The 'religious updater wanna-be but-cant-keep-up'
unlike the religious updaters these ones are not keeping it one hundred at all.

3.the ghost
this one never updates,change display or even chat. You even have to send a broadcast to see if they will receive it just to check if they are still alive.

4.the inspiring quoter
these people are always inspired, Monday to Sunday, night and day, broken plate, torn shorts, lost phone=their inspiration. Always updating inspiring quotes. They inspire themselves so much they depress you.

5.the inspiring quoter wanna-be but-cant-keep-up
they are like the inspiring quotes but big difference here is their quotes make no sense whatsoever neither do they connect, apply or inspire you. These are the people you want to slap.

6.the romantic
these are the ones who always use their partners as their display picture ,infact they never use their own pictures, you start to wonder if they are still the actual owners of the phone. If they are not using their partners they use pictures of sunsine,sunrise,sunflowers,white sanded beaches, rose petal paths, colorful food and ice-creams !!....

7.the sad one
this is the opposite of the romantic. These people are always sad, always heartbroken, always breaking up with their partners. Worse if they are girls. Always updating pictures of dark corners, crying characters, children on lonely road paths, tear drops, heart split in two and that type stuff.

8.the traveler
this are the people whose bbm locations change every week or even less.travel so much ...immigration be like 'sorry madam you've been here 62times already..'

9.the one who takes forever to reply
you send this person a message on Monday morning saying "hey is there still lecture today?" they reply you on Thursday evening saying "..yes.".........and by then its already too late. They must be slapped!

10.the one who replies too fast
these people must be freaking mind readers...they respond to your message while it still shows that you are typing it. they must also be slapped.

11.the x-rated R
this is that one person or more always watching X-rated videos and forgets to turn of the setting where what you are listening to is made public.

12.the ones with more than one girlfriend 
 

How to know them? update pictures of different girls without writing anything specific. Or even if they have to write something it will be on special occasions like their birthdays and end up using general words of affection like..."happy birthday dearie or sweets or babe or luv.." the real words are edited so as not to give it the real meaning it should have. When their actual girlfriends try to put up a quarrel they be like "but baby I said luv not love" or "baby I said Hun not honey"!

WEIRDNESS UN-CUT!.....must read

1.The one with pants sky high.
Wait ..! I didnt say sag but why the heck are your pants on your ribs..oh wait your lungs.why?!!!

 

2.Bra strap so high
Chicks who got their bra strap so high its starting to look like a necklace.from behind you can see the bra literally above what ever top they wearing.i mean I know you are seriously trying to push your boobs up and all that good stuff but why do have your boobs on your shoulders!

 

3.Fat people these days
Its not a bad thing to be plus size though.shout out to all them big people.but some people so fat, still keep on eating, all their conversations about food..ever had a conversation with a fat person? Ya'll shouldn't be on a diet because thats still too much food, you should be vomiting. Well, you  can still have breakfast too but only your plate should be empty at the beginning and full in the end. (Reverse-meal).live in a areas at the center of the earth, , because if you live at the edge it might tilt. (Good thing the earth is round!)

4.Eyebrows these days.

People be walking around these days eyebrows looking like heart attack.why so angular? Why shave your entire brows and tatoo on a geometric line

5.Eyelashes these days

I understand the concept of tryna look different but if you fix eyelashes so long looking like you about to fly,eyelashes so long they can hold a glass of wine, stayed so long on your eyelids the glue starts to turn white..my dear lady you need to take that shit off..but its ok because if you ever on a plane and it starts to malfunction stick your head out that window and let your eyelash fly that plane.

5 REASONS TO DATE A FAT GIRL

1.when you take her out she will always finish her food. You don't have to worry about your money getting wasted because she's going to eat her food, eat the plate, eat the table ... but skinny girls don't eat ,you take them out for 700$ they only eat 12cents worth. They scared adding weight so much that when they drink water you need to go to scientist to take the H2O molecules outta that water just to reduce the content.

2.She will, fight your battles,don't worry about anyone owing you or doing you harm. Because she gonna put that dude under her arm-skin-fat. That nigga will not only choke, he can disappear. if the cops come to look for you don't worry just take a crow bar, raise that stomach fat and hide in between that shit  it will cover you like a blanket.

3.skinny girls are too demanding ..they be like take me to your parents, when are we going to get married, lets get engaged, get me the Gucci purse,zannoti shoes and all that type stuff.....but fat chicks.? you aint got to worry about none of that, all you got to provide her with is food. Yes nigga that's all the engagement she wants.!

4.skinny girls want to go with you everywhere, you cant hang out with your boys to do stuff because all she want to do is dress up and go out with you, you need to lie and give excuses every time you don't want to take her out causing you to sin...but with them fat chicks you got to lie bro,you aint got to sin ..all you need to do tell her you going out with the boys, tell her where you kept the mc Donald's in the fridge and you can be on your way.

5.its is safe!!!!!..take your skinny girl out on a windy day you have to keep her chained to you because she might fly off ..take your fat girl out ..like French Montana 'you aint gotta worry bou none'. She aint flying no where. You can call her gravity because she'll keep you down and protect you from the wind.

 

 

 

TYPES OF GIRLS IN A RELATIONSHIP

1.THE WIFE
this is the chick who isnt your wife yet but just your girlfriend or maybe even the side chick.. but chooses to still perform wifely duties like an idiot.. she wanna cook, clean, wash your sweaty undies (with her hands), wanna serve you breakfast in bed, wanna carry all the grocery bags after shopping,serves your friends the same way,..... b*tch please relax its not that serious.. looking for serious hard work? Volunteer for community service! !!!!!

2.THE 'REVERSE' WIFE
This is basically the opposite of the wife, she is never with you.infact you had your first date on skype!..she doesnt cook, clean..or any of that.she aint even there to listen to your worries.when you call her phone she so busy you gotta leave your worries on voice mail.

3.THE SEXY ONE
this damsel hot as hell..anytime you go out with her its like you're on a date with all the guys in the area.. cos everyone wants to get at her! You take her out another nigga pays for her food instead of you.

4.THE FAT ONE
This one so fat when she walks its like an eclipse of the sun..we cant see the light, we cant even see you..the boyfriend. When she walks with you its like she playing with a string puppet, when you go on a date you book for 3. Cos the waiter gotta replace one of them chairs with a bench so your girl can fit in, even the menu gotta be three cos she gonna order from 2, she eat so much..the bill so damn high..you gotta pay at the headquarters.

5.THE SKINNY ONE
You in the chinese restaurant tryna eat some good food with you damn chop sticks you look down and realize those damn chopsticks your girlfriend.she so skinny you and yo hommies can play basketball in the living room cos all that chick gotta do is stand and carry a basket ..she so skinny it looks like that chick disappearing..you tryna take a walk with her in the evening she looking shoe lace + weave ..and bro you gotta hold her tight cos of the wind.!

6.THE LITTLE SPENDER
this girl cheap as hell.she is $0.99 plus Tax! This is the one who does not spend a dime in the relationship ..you spent from the beginning till the send so much that it feels like she from foster care... so bad she doesnt even buy you gifts on any occasion.the most expensive thing she did was knit you a one inch dental floss for your birthday!..'saying baby its from my heart, my hardwork is in there..floss and think of me'

7. THE TWERKER
She wanna hit the club every five minutes, all day , all night , everyday.when you hit the club she starts dancing from the door,  does the split from the entrance to the center stage, she dances so much,at the end of it you cant find her..she's lost in the crowd..and even when you do she aint wanna leave.

8.THE COOK
damn! She cook so good you wanna open a resturant for her but then you cant cos you're broke.and worse still she likes to cook, your first date was at home cos she cooked the damn food, when you go to the movies she gotta make them popcorns from home, when you get on a flight you search for her all through 7hours..look no further bro that chick in the back with the cabin crew cooking the damn food!

9.LONG JOHN SILVER
*Coughs*..this one wants to get it every night and day.she getting it so much you starting to wish you can get paid cos its feels like manual labour.

10.AFRICAN HUMMER
this one likes to sing as head off.. she walking , cooking, dressing up..whatever. .she singing....on your first date you guys didn't go nowhere she sang to you all night at home. She be like.'...hummba naway..zimba hamma..humma zinga...'
And you like 'babe wth is that'..she be like 'its kwazulu for I love you and always' .. but girl why you aint sing the damn song in English. !

11.THE SILENCER
this one just doesnt say sh*t! When Micheal jackson sang the song 'speechless' he should have put her name on it. Take her out on a date you stare at the table and play with the spoons all night, at home the landlord tried to move someone else in cos he didnt know anyone was still there, she cant keep a conversation. .all she does is gesticulate.

12.THE REVERSE SILENCER
she is fun.you go out with her best day of your life.. she will talk you out..she is versatile. .will talk abou anything..sports, politics, food, travel.. when you hang out feels like you with your niggas!

13.THE ONE WHO TAKES FOREVER TO   DRESS UP
this one takes a lot of times dressing up .. she starts to get ready on january 20th and by the time she's done its 4th of july.!

TOP 6 LIES GUYS TELL !..

so you think you met your dream man uh?

1. THE 'AM NEW TO THIS' LIE.
    this is when you meet a really cute guy,go for a drink,you start to talk about yourselves and he hits you with the 'babe this is my first relationship'.! when actualy you're like number 76.!



2.THE 'I HAVE BEEN HURT BEFORE' LIE.
    this is the one he tells to get on your good side and get some romantic pity from you . you ask him 'so what happened to your previous one..' and he hits you with the '..well tis hard to say but I had to go cos she was cheating..' when actually he was the one hitting it with all the girls on the block.

3.THE 'I TOLD MY MOM BOU U' LIE.
  tell you he told his mom bou u so you feel special,and you the idiot believes and start to feel lik the wifey and start to perform wifely duties.3years into the relationship still aint seen the mom and BAM!! he dumps you.


4.THE 'AM JUST SHY' LIE
 this is when he tells you he's not a public person,he don't wanna go out with you,and even when you go out he acts like he doesn't know you,never uses your pictures together, hardly takes pictures with you,talks formerly when you out but when you home alonr together he's ready to hit it 24/7. look this nigga don't want u,if he ain proud of u let him hit the door.get wise and turn up.!

5.THE 'BABE I THINK WE NEED A BREAK'
this is when he tells you you both need a little break out of the blues,he sarts to create drama,starts to look for faults and reasons to make the relationship look like its not working,starts to become edgy making it look like you both are not getting along.well honey give him that break,inshort let him take a year,the universe,the world.but girl be gone.! he don't wantchu!

6.THE 'I STILL WANT US BACK'
this is when he the ex,just came into town,nothing much to do,tryna look for someone to while away time with but not just anyone, someone whose familiar...YOU! he calls you and starts to play the 'I still love you,i think theres still something to hold onto..lets talk bou this' ......uhmm nigga NO!